Admittance
by toader95
Summary: Alistair and Solona speak to one another after the events of Redcliffe.


_So, this is my first Dragon_ Age _fic and I don't believe it turned out good, but I hope you guys like it. (Yes, I realize, I have other fics I need to finish….but….they will…in good time sir.)_

"We should probably set up camp." Solona's voice filled the quiet air. The party continued moving forward as if her words were never spoken. "Hello? Did any of you hear me?" She waved her arms in the air and they stopped.

"Hmph. Seems a waste to stop now. Why all these delays? We are here to stop the blight, no?"

"Sten…We need to rest, we've been walking from Denerim for-"

"Let's do as Solona says. We don't need _another _argument." Leliana spoke as she threw her pack on the ground. "I'm sure we are all tired. Not all of us are invincible like you Sten."

The group set their separate ways, making camp where they felt most comfortable. Alistair began making a fire, Sten stood a good distance from the fire, Morrigan secluded towards the woods, and Solona stayed by Leliana setting up their tents.

Solona sat down in front of her tent and sighed. How badly she wanted this armor off. How badly she wanted to be back at the circle lying in her bed. How badly she wanted to…

"Solona?"

"Oh! Yes, Leliana?"

Leliana sat down beside her. The fire began to crackle and the camp began to quiet down as everybody settled down. "You've seemed a bit distracted. I'm here to talk if you need me."

She smiled. "I know. Thank you. I've just felt like…ever since Redcliffe…everyone is growing away from me." She sighed.

"Are you sure it's everyone, or a certain someone?" Right as Leliana finished her question Alistair looked over from behind the fire. He smiled and waved at Leliana. He then looked to Solona who didn't look back.

"I mean everyone, Leliana. Even Morrigan acts colder than normal to me. I'm supposed to be a leader to everyone, to make them proud and represent the Grey Wardens with honor, but I feel all my choices so far have led to nothing but distance."

"You're a great leader. Look at all you've done for us when you didn't even have to. You helped me face Marjolaine. You found Sten's sword, and –"

"You faced my sister with me when I was too afraid to go alone." Both women looked up at Alistair as he nervously spoke. "I'm sorry, I just…Solona, can we talk?" Leliana winked at her and got up.

"Of course." Alistair led Solona up the hill into the woods past Bodahn's wagon. They walked in silence. He walked ahead of her, not looking to back to make sure she was there.

"You haven't checked to see if I was following. How do you know I didn't stop along the way?" She spoke calmly.

He stopped walking. "This is good." He sat down on a pile of leaves and motioned for her to sit too. Reluctantly, she sat on the leaves beside him. "Solona."

"Alistair."

He took a deep breath. "I want to talk about Redcliffe. The way I reacted, it wasn't fair. I…I yelled at you for something you had no control over."

"How was I to know the demon would react to me going to the arl's door? I didn't." Her tone was aggressive. She did not want to go through this again. It pained her the first time, reliving it was not on her to do list.

"I've been thinking about it…how you struggled to open the door after we were locked in. You tried so hard while I just stood there. I could've helped you, but I didn't. I'm as much to bla-"

She cut him off with her own words. "Shut up! You're not to blame! It was all me! I should have known that the demon could be set off any minute! I should have known! I've learned my whole life what they could do! But I still went to the door, I was stupid and didn't connect it! I killed a child! I did! I never want to relive this and I never want to speak of this again! It pains me Alistair! He was innocent…and that demon. And Jowan! What was I ever thinking? Helping him escape? Why did I ever do that?"

"Solona."

"He destroyed his phylactery and I helped him! I should have never told Irving! I should've been punished along with Lily. I wish I knew what Gregoir was going to do! I wish Duncan hadn't-"

"Solona!" Alistair grabbed her by the shoulders as tears began to well in eyes. "Calm down!"

"I just want to go back. I want to go back to when I was at the tower. When Jowan and me had nothing to worry about except what lesson we were learning in class. When I didn't have to worry about my Harrowing or growing older. When I had friends who were there for me and didn't leave me because of the stupidest things! When I could sit in the library for hours and see him. I want it all back…"

The tears fell against her armor. Alistair loosened his grip on her shoulders. She felt pain and regret. From what? Being a Grey Warden? Having all this responsibility? She threw her gauntlets against the ground and wiped her eyes.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He flashed a smile. She nodded slowly. "Start where you like."

"Where to start?" She bit her lip and sighed. "I arrived at the circle when I was four. Maybe five, I'm not sure. I have heard both from Irving and Knight-Commander Gregoir. I remember nothing of my home before the circle. Not my parents, whether or not I had siblings, I know none of it. Although, I was once heard Wynne speak with Irving after I arrived about Solona Amell and Denerim. So I assume I come from around there."

"You went there so young?" Alistair questioned.

She nodded. "Yes. I remember being in the woods. I remember grabbing a stick and yelling 'I'm not afraid of you Witch!' when a small burst of light appeared. I was scared and I ran. I remember running 'til I met a group of people dressed in robes and armor. I told them what happened and they took me to the circle. That's my first memory of the world as it is."

"So it's your own fault you ended up there. Good going Solona." He snickered and she smiled.

"So I guess it is."

"I'm only kidding. What was favorite part of being there?"

"My favorite part, without a doubt was learning. I loved learning. I loved the spells and learning of the fade. I would even stay in the library past curfew just to read. If it wasn't for my love of books, I never would've met Jowan." She smiled brightly. That was good memory to her.

"How did you meet?"

"Oh. Well, I was seven when he came. I was reading on Ancient Elven Artifacts when I saw him staring. I closed my book and walked to him. He just stared at me. I asked him why he was staring. He laughed at me and said I should read to him sometime since he was no good. Since that moment, we were friends. He was my best friend…is. Maker, I pray Arl Eamon has a good heart." She shuddered at the thought he could be executed for his actions with Loghain. It tore her heart to pieces.

"I'm sorry, Solona." She smiled thankfully. "Why did you lose friends in the tower?"

Now that was a story. "Surely, you don't want to know." She knew he did.

He raised an eyebrow. "Surely I do."

"Fine." She sighed heavily. Where to start? "Alistair, let me ask you."

"Yes?" He sounded unsure.

"You really never had sex before?" He blushed a bit. "I lied last time. I've never either."

"Why not?" He questioned, seeming highly interested.

"Let's say the Tower isn't exactly secret. Everything you do gets around which is what I hated most. I mean, most of the mages there did…and not just with other mages, some of the templar's would join the female mages in their rooms. Once or twice I heard of male mages being joined, but that's very often."

"I didn't know Templar's forsook their vows. I should've expected as much." He laughed. "Aren't I happy not to have taken my vows!"

"Would you have broken them?" She innocently asked.

"Of course not. I, Well, I don't know. I've never been in the situation where I would know." He shrugged.

"Cullen never broke his vows either." Alistair jumped at the name.

"Cullen? Cullen is at the circle? I remember him from the chantry. He greeted me when I arrived. The only person who didn't make fun of me for being a bastard. He left way before I was suppose to take my vows, though." Solona's eyes widened.

"You…knew him?" She leaned up and waited eagerly for an answer.

"Er…yes?"

"Cullen came when I was 15. Irving said Templar's normally come around when they turn 16. Irving and Gregoir were speaking with me in the library when another templar brought him in. He was quiet and nervous."

Alistair held up his hand. "Stop, we strayed from how you lost friends!"

She giggled. "I'm getting there. I was in the library one day when Jowan came up to me. He said he had big news. Asked me if I heard it. I was confused. I had no idea. Then he said, somebody liked me. I laughed at him. That was impossible. He turned to Cullen, who was obviously eavesdropping."

"Was it-?"

"Cullen, came over. I heard rumors from other mages who heard from other templars that he was mentally unstable. He pretended to look at the books. So I got up and pretended too. I asked him what his name was, even though I knew. He told me Cullen. He stuttered a lot…but was very kind none the less. We would talk, we would be out after curfew just to talk and nothing more. Then rumors started. The rumors I was planning to escape the tower with my Templar lover Cullen."

Alistair busted out laughing. "What? That's priceless!" Solona narrowed her eyes. "Erm, continue."

"Irving talked to me about this, as did Wynne. I remember Wynne asked me how I felt. I truly had no idea what she meant until she said Cullen's name. Then I said, I don't feel for him that way. Wynne looked unconvinced and told me to stay put. Irving and her returned."

Alistair interrupted, "I bet you thought you were in trouble."

She nodded. "A little bit. But Irving sat down in front of me and told me a story of a mage and templar. Who later to find out was Knight-Commander Gregoir. I guess a mage fell in love with Gregoir after he arrived at the tower. Irving told me how Gregoir fell for her too. After some time though, Gregoir was forced to tell her he didn't love her and she was heartbroken."

"That must've been hard. I can't imagine telling someone I love that I don't."

Solona bit her lip. "Irving said she went for her Harrowing the next day. And the results were…dire." She sighed. "Then I had to talk to Cullen…and I waited days before I would."

"Why did you wait so long?" He asked, intrigued with the conversation.

"Because…I did love him. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I did…and the more I realized it was a doomed love. Did you know, he was chosen as the one who strike me down if I failed my Harrowing?" She grabbed Alistair's hand. "I even asked him to talk privately once…he ran off after politely rejecting. I was embarrassed…but all I wanted was to let him know how I felt…then I never saw him after that because Duncan came and-" Alistair kissed her hand. She gasped, feeling shocked.

"He was a fool for running away. I would never run. I would be honored if a beautiful woman as yourself asked me that." He smiled big. "We will head to the tower, forget the dwarves for now. The mages are on our list. Maybe you can see Cullen while we are there."

Solona felt her cheeks burn as he spoke in a smooth voice. "Thank you, Alistair."

"And to answer your question. I didn't need to check if you were behind me, I trust you enough to know you wouldn't leave me."

_And that's the end! Hope you guys enjoyed it! 3_


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